Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
