I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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