Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
