the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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