Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
