My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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