I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
