I wish I could teleport
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
