Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
