I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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