Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
