You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
