I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
