instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
