Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
