just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
