So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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