no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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