No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
