you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
