My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
