For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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