It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
