I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
