i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
