i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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