The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
