this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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