worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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