That's intense
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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