Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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