Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
