I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
