your thong is hanging out like whoa
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
