508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
