Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
pop tarts are not kleenex
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Let's paint friendship bongs
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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