that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
