tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
