There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
