I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize