Umm I'm too high to move.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
