I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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