I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize