Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
