I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
