you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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