I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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