shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
smell my finger.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
