apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
