Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
