i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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