He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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