just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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