Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Randomize
