I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
