Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
