i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
