Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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