oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
MIDGETS
????
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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