Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
