I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
