Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
