I got chris browned last night
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
