??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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