i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize