also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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