She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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