u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
