I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
