oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize