everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
