i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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