Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Randomize