thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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