you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
