But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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