I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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