Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
