Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize