but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
