he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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