I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
