did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
