"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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