M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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