Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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