i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
