I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
