apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
