once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
