Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
