is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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