I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
