Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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