Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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