Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
