i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
