I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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