I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
