i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize