it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
