Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
