I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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