I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
