My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
