I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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