all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
my being single is dangerous.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
